Blk XXX XXX Road
#XXXX
Singapore XXXXXX
+65xxxx xxxx
xxxxx@hotmail.com
10th February 2011
Madam Linda Ong
Deputy Director, Human Resource Division
Ministry of Education, Singapore
1 North Buona Vista Drive
Singapore 138675
Dear Madam Ong,
Application for Teaching internship
I am writing this letter to you to apply for the teaching internship during the summer vacation.
My major is pure chemistry and am well trained with the laboratory techniques such as spectroscopy techniques. Thus, I am able to demonstrate the use of systematic approaches in solving problems through the analysis and evaluation of alternatives to meet the challenges of the ever-changing education system. I have been a private tutor since graduation from junior college. From teaching, I have learnt how to be an effective communicator by listening to students' problems and giving them appropriate advices. This has given me an insight into the value of work with teenagers, and has underlined my determination to work with this age group.
Through participation in various community services such as the lion dance troupe event and undertaking leadership roles, I have developed a strong sense of responsibility, organisation skills and team-spirit among my peers. Most of these activities require strong coordination among members of the Wushu team and constant training. I have been nominated by my CCA teachers for the EAGLES awards and have received recognition and achievement awards. From my previous employment with MOE’s Staff training Branch (STB), I have acquired useful skills such as using the TRANSI system and facilitated meetings for assistant directors and school principals. As a Course administrator, I have successfully assisted STB in keeping track of teachers’ attendance and changed the conventional platform for courses registration to online registration. With my experience with different roles in school and Information Technology (IT), I am confident of organising events at the school and community level and am able to engage my students well.
I am keen in committing my time to the MOE’s training courses for the intern teachers. I hope you will consider my application and have enclosed my resume for your reference. I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you for your time.
Yours Sincerely,
Sng Bi Lin Adeline
Hi Adeline,
ReplyDeleteAs Brad mentioned, it's not very nice to write that 'I have learned of this opportunity through the NUS Career Centre'. Perhaps you can explain why you are interested in such a career path instead.
Also, if you could furnish us with examples of how you exhibited leadership, it might improve your credibility.
But overall, this application is good. I'm would give you the internship if I were the person-in-charge.
Hi Michelle! Thanks for ur comment. I will edit the parts you have suggested to me now. :)
ReplyDeleteHey man,
ReplyDeleteThis letter was confirmed supervised by good Issac!!!!!! It is so written in the style and refinement of Issac's I cannot be mistaken. In fact I think the whole letter was written by Issac or something! Adeline, if Issac was your supervisor for the first draft, you are indeed blessed! There are absolutely NO grammar mistakes!!!!!!!
CHeers
Hey Adeline!
ReplyDeleteGreat job! This is surely a tremendous improvement over your first draft. Your letter reflects a candidate well-rounded in development, interested in learning new things, and passionate about pursuing teaching as a career.
I particularly like your last paragraph whereby you said that "I am keen in committing my time to the MOE’s training courses for the intern teachers". This demonstrates research and your willingness to go the extra mile for this internship.
I have just one suggestion for you to group similar smaller pointers together to prove (and emphasize) on a point.
e.g.
From teaching, I have learnt how to be an effective communicator. I would often listen to students’ problems and give them appropriate advices. >>> From teaching, I have learnt how to be an effective communicator by listening to students' problems and giving them appropriate advices.
This application letter certainly warrants an interview and no doubt, the internship position.
Mark, thanks for checking out the grammar errors. I have written this letter based on comments from my classmates during peer review session. This goes to show that peer review is effective and helpful.
ReplyDeleteBen, thanks for commenting and also thanks to your group in giving me useful feedback during peer review. I will edit the sentence you have suggested.
ReplyDeleteI can see the improvement from your first draft to your second draft. You letter has become more concise, with some unnecessary content removed.
ReplyDeleteOne point I would like to bring out is that I believe you do not need to have your name placed at the top of the letter together with the address, as indicated by the website suggested by Eunice if I recall correctly.
Overall, the letter has presented you as the perfect candidate for this teaching internship.
Oh, thanks Kenneth for the reminder. I will remove the name soon. :)
ReplyDeleteYour second draft is a great improvement from your first draft. Good job Adeline! However, I do have some comments that might help:
ReplyDeleteYou should restructure some of the sentences to make it more impactful.
Instead of “my major is pure chemistry and am well trained with the laboratory techniques such as spectroscopy techniques”, you should put it as “my rigorous and extensive experience of majoring in Pure Chemistry at NUS has endowed me with academic expertise, analytical skills and problem-solving skills”.
For this sentence, “I have been a private tutor since graduation from junior college”, a better alternative could be “in addition, I have been giving private tuition to students and this has allowed me to keep in touch with the changes to the subject’s syllabus.” This will tie in with the previous sentence regarding the “ever-changing education system”. You could also add in that you were a mentor to the students.
Moreover, you could edit the sentence after the sentence with Wushu training to “My discipline and dedication to training have resulted in nominations by my teachers for...”
The last sentence of the second paragraph could be changed to “with the experience gained from the different roles I play at school and community and my knowledge of IT, ...”
I would like to highlight some errors:
- It should be “Mdm.” instead of “Madam”
- It should be properly capitalised. “Application for Teaching Internship”
- It should be “advice” instead of “advices”
- It should be “through participating in various community...” in the beginning of paragraph 3
- It should be “required” instead of “require”
- It should be “facilitating” instead of “facilitated”
- It should be “course registration” instead of “courses registration”
- It should be “and of engaging my students” instead of “am able to engage...”
The last paragraph ends your application letter very well. Hope this helps.
Cheers!
Hi Eunice! Thanks to your group and you for being so patient and helpful in identifying my errors in the first draft :) Thanks again for the pointers, I really appreciate your help. Ok, I will make the neccessary amendments soon.
ReplyDelete